It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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