I met the friendliest cop last night
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
