So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
