why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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