she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
