Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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