Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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