i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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