writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
