I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
