he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
