dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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