I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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