And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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