Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
