just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
