These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
