I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
