3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
