Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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