Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
