hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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