yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
