I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
