Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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