I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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