guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
