she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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