I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
