this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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