thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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