She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
