and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
