I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
