U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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