I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
the liver wants what the liver wants
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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