someone get that fucking seahorse.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
