i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
