hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
