Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
