she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
