I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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