I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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