1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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