His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
A bitchslap is in order.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
