Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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