if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
