my text book just quoted the cookie monster
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
