Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I am one with the molecules
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize