I wish life had little blips of pornography
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
