Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
