Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize