u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My bed smells like the plague
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
