dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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