I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize