Your mouth is God's brothel.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
