dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
