I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
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