By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
