I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
