The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
