yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
