the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
