I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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