Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize