I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
