Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My ass is underappreciated
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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