that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
sex in a hospital.. check
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize