A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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