Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
