..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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