tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
