my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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