the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
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