Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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