apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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