Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize