Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
