Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
