Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
