I got chris browned last night
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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