I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
