hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
