dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
