turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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