I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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