Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
