I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
