i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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