A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
