I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
