if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
